Day 14

How do your friends and family feel about your eating disorder?

 They are really supportive and understanding. My family is really put down by it and worry about me, especially my grandma, but it only shows how much I mean to them and that again motivates me to get better because they deserve so much more. 

Day 4

What are factors that contributed in your choice to recover?

I hated seeing my greatgrandma and grandpa cry and pray for me. I don't want them to worrie about me, and the only way to do that is to get better. They love me and they will always care. I didn't want to hurt them by pushing them away like everybody else; believe me, sick me tried to...and I'm so not proud of that!

My grandma was so worried and cried while begging me to get better. That had a HUGE impact on me. She's my favorite person in the whole world and I love her soooooo much! She loves me more than anything, and saying no to her when she definitely was dying of worries, felt cruel. She was so worried of losing me. She had already lost me into the disorder, and was terrified of losing me completely. 

I want to recover for them. My grandma, great grandma and great grandpa do not deserve this.

I recover for the people around me, but first of all do I recover for myself.

Thank you

I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes. I can’t believe how sweet people can be! All the things they say to me really make a difference in my life. They motivate me and help me to see that I am worth it, and it’s not always I think I am. I’ve gotten to know so many fantastic people through this process, it’s almost unbelievable. Or well, it is unbelievable. The nurses, other patients, people through tumblr and Instagram  and etc.  

It is quite funny that my new friends are the one that are my most supportive friends. Maybe that is because they know. They know what I am going through and either have been through it or are going through it. We don’t affect each other negatively, not at all. We motivate and support each other. I love it and I LOVE them! Worst part is that they live very far away, mostly in other countries. But we send packages and letters to each other to brighten up each other’s days :) 

There are so many people I am thankful for that the list would never end! My family members, close friends and not so close friends. I’m first now realizing how many people actually care about me, and it’s a fantastic feeling. My ED made me think no one cared, that I was unloved and unwanted, but that was just the ED talking. Sometimes that feeling comes back, but I manage to beat it down, distract myself by watching TV, surf Tumblr and instagram or do other things I like. Sometimes I even feel so strong that I eat! Unbelievable but true.

Stay strong! ♥
-M