Haters gonna hate

It’s unbelievable how ugly some people can be, and by that I don’t mean in appearances. You can be world’s most beautiful person alive in appearances, but inside you can be the ugliest person that has ever lived. 

The things people allow themselves to say are horrible. They break people down. Destroys that little self-esteem they’ve spent months or even years building up, and leaves them with nothing.

I’ve heard plenty of incredibly offensive things about me, personality and appearances. Right now, I don’t get why they said those things. They seem so incorrect and stupid. But at the time  they were said, they were the only truth. It didn’t matter if anyone told me otherwise. My classmates and other people at school said those things; they must have meant them, because why would they else say them? Whatever anyone else tried to say against it, they only said it to be nice. But there I was wrong.

I have never been fat or overweight, but still that was what I got to hear regularly from my fellow classmates. Why? I don’t know. 

I’ve always been extremely insecure about my body. At 5 years old all I wanted was to get a fat sucking operation to get rid of my chubby thighs. I hated them. I always have. I WAS 5 YEARS OLD!! I was still in kindergarten! Hadn’t even started in 1^st grade!

My 5th birthday

Then when I started in 1^st grade I got bullied because I was so “fat”. I remember people begging me to compete with them about who was thinner, and of course they were all small boned girls. Then because I didn’t want to participate or lost, they laughed. I was 6 years old!
This continued for a while + I got bullied because of my short temperament. When I think of it, of course I had short temperament! I was hurt, extremely hurt and down broken. I wasn’t able to communicate with words, because I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t understand it and like I said: I was hurt. They ran after me, took my hat and threw it between themselves and in puddles. They splashed water on me, pushed me, pulled my hair and commented my body. That was in 1-4^th grade. Can you imagine? 6-9 year old children? There was even a boy in 7^th grade that participated in those horrible things. He was the worst. He tried multiple times to break my arm, and he wasn’t far away from doing so. I didn’t want to go to school and when I did, I came home crying, every single time.

Teachers didn’t do anything. All me and my mom got to hear was that I offered them to do those things. That it was reasonable that they did what they did. That broke me completely down to the ground. I was 9 years old…

9 year old Spicegirls fan

After 4^th grade we moved so I could start in a better school. Things didn’t get any better. The bullying continued, not only from fellow classmates, but also from two guys and a girl in 9^th grade.  9^TH GRADE! Can you believe it?!?

What makes 15 year old teenagers think it’s ok to bully a 10 year old??  Where do they get that logic from? Well to put it that way: School didn’t do much this time either. They too said that it was reasonable that they did what they did, considering what kind of homes they came from and etc.
That is NOT a good enough excuse to ruin someone’s life!  Nothing is

This continued and in 8^th grade I could count on one hand the times I had been invited to birthday parties, out to play or other social occasions.  I blamed myself. What else could I do? That was all I got to here; that it was my fault. I considered suicide all the time, non-stop. Not only in 8^th grade, but in 1^st grade as well. In 8^th grade I officially developed Anorexia Nervosa, not weird considering, right?

Broken down 8th grader

 It wasn't till now that I opened my eyes and saw that none of those things were my fault. But I can’t not think about why they did what they did to me and not to the girl besides me. Why me? I guess it was better that I was the victim than anyone else, because I wouldn't want anyone to experience being bullied like that. 2 different schools, 8 years, and nothing changed.
The bullied continued after I moved to ANOTHER country after 8^th grade. Can you believe it? No, neither can I.

What would it take to make them stop? Did I have to disappear from the surface of the earth? What did they want?!

I bearly got through 10th grade. In short terms: countless suicide attempts, suicide thoughts, self-harm, eating disorder, overdoses, medicine, exhausted, self-hate, friendless, depression, anxiety and untreated Bipolar.

Hopeless trying to convince myself it would be ok. That evening I overdosed.

Now I see what they wanted. All they wanted was to see someone be more miserable than they were. My mom always told me that they were jealous of me because they weren’t as smart, beautiful, fantastic and nice as I was. I never believed her. But now I think she was somewhat right. They were jealous. And when I think of it, none of those bullies were nearly as good at school as I was, as fast readers or good at math. They didn’t get good grades, but I didn’t even have to practice for a test and still get an A. In 3^rd grade I was in 7^th grade math and read books 7^th graders read. They must have been jealous. They had to put everything they had in getting a C and then saw that I didn’t have to do anything to get an A, and they got jealous. It makes sense, right?

Don’t EVER find excuses for those who bully/bullied you or your loved ones! No excuse is good enough for ruin someone’s life! Don’t even try to blame yourself, because you are not the problem, they are. They are jealous of how fantastic, beautiful, nice, smart and funny you are! They thrive on seeing someone they consider better than them be miserable. That’s why they talk behind your back, teas and bully you.
I’ve always been told to answer hate with love. So whenever someone isn’t kind to you, simply turn around and say that you love them too, and walk away. They’re not worth your time. They’re not even worth looking at. Tell them that you love them too, and they will get so surprised that they back off. Believe me, I tried it and it worked!

Smile to your haters and never EVER blame yourself!